My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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