You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
