Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
