he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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