How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
