Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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