whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
