Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
