i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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