you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
