my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
