Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
