How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
