I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
