I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
