this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
