How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
