there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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