I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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