doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
