imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
