Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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