Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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