Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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