U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
