the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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