i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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