Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
