My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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