TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
