a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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