Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
