Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
