kristin has been a bad kristin
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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