My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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