I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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