Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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