super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
