Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize