im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
no, he came in my armpit
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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