i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
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