she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We have so much sex to catch up on
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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