The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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