She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
