What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
