you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
