i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
