Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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