She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
