Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
