Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
