then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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