it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
