Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
