you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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