Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
