I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
