Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
