Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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