It was confusing and full of hummus
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
