I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
