Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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