Only a mothe r could love this liver
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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