I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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