nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
