Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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