at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
