Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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