Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
