Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
